


Are we taking chances just to lose it all?

by bad_ash10



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Feels, Gen, Happy ending for Melinda May?, Hope, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:21:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24448792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bad_ash10/pseuds/bad_ash10
Summary: There's a possible solution to turn Chronicom Coulson into a human after they save the world. You'd think Melinda May would be thrilled, but after the hell she's been through, she's afraid to hope for too much.
Relationships: Melinda May & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson & Melinda May & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Comments: 9
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I know I have 2 WIPs (one of which hasn't been updated in over a year), but I got this wild idea at three am the other night, and then got some ideas to edit it after I watched the premier. So here we go. 
> 
> This will be pretty short, maybe 3 or 4 chapters at most, but it was one of those wild hares that couldn't be controlled, so I HAD to write it. Hope you enjoy!

They had done it. Finally saved the world.

And this time, Melinda May was done.

_Done._

Not transferring to be a paper pusher, but _done, done._

Melinda still didn’t know how she wanted to proceed. Go alone, go with LMD/ chronicom Coulson, or just go hide out with her dad until she figured her shit out. Not many options to choose from, but she was doing her best to try to plot her course of action as she packed her bags in her small bunk on the Zephyr.

Coulson could be with her. He had asked after all. But something held her back. He wasn’t _her_ Coulson. Just a shell of plastic and internal hardware housing Phil’s memories. But did it really make a difference?

To quote Daisy, “nothing made any fucking sense anymore,” but she hadn’t had much time to contemplate what to do after they finished saving the world… _again._

She heard a soft knock and a quiet, “May?” outside her door.

Melinda should’ve expected this. “Come in, Daisy.”

“Hey,” she said tiredly as she flopped down on May’s bunk with a grin. “I still can’t believe we did it. Saving Shield. Again.”

“Mmhmm,” May added as she kept folding clothes and stuffing them into her duffle bag, refusing to meet Daisy’s eyes as she did. May knew she would lose her composure if she spoke to Daisy before she had steeled herself.

“May?”

“Mmhmm?”

She could see from her peripherals that Daisy was eyeing her carefully, judging what to say before finally sighing heavily. “I’ll miss you.”

May stopped short, and finally looked up to meet Daisy’s gaze. “I’ll miss you, too.”

“Can I hang out with you for a while? Simmons says we can’t make the jump yet anyway.”

Melinda nodded.

“Where will you go?”

May sighed and sat heavily next to Daisy. “I don’t know yet. After the last couple of years there are…. no easy answers.”

Daisy sat up and nudged Melinda’s arm lightly. “You could stay.”

"I can't anymore, Daisy."

“But at least here, there are people who care about you, May.” Daisy words were simple enough, but May could see the pleading look in her eyes.

She put a hand on Daisy’s knee. “I know. But every time I see his face… He’s Phil, but…. He’s also not.

“Right,” Daisy said cautiously. “But. What if it were?”

Melinda couldn’t believe Daisy had said that. There was no way it could be, and she’d had enough hopes about saving Phil Coulson over the past few years that had not panned out in their favor. She couldn’t stand to have one more.

Daisy must’ve seen the look on her face. “I know, I know. And I wouldn’t give you false hope, but I really think this idea could work, May.”

“I can’t, Daisy. Not again.” She already endured too much heartbreak.

“Just listen, the chamber and technology used to heal you, can also be used to create new tissue with some…” Daisy paused as if she were searching for the right word. “..tweaks.”

Melinda arched her eyebrows skeptically. This did not sound good.

“It needs a part from the technology that Aida used to build her post-Framework body. We can use the jump drive to grab the right equipment before it sinks to the bottom of the ocean."

Her heart was pounding. How could Daisy think using Darkhold technology was a good idea? “I had hope, Daisy. I shattered the vial of odium thinking it would save him, but he made it impossible.” Daisy blanched. “I know he did it to save you and the world, and I’m glad he did.” She squeezed Daisy’s arm gently to reassure her. “But that also meant I had to watch him grow weaker and weaker each day we were in Tahiti. I held him as he took his last breath, even as I hoped Simmons would call with a miracle cure. I held out hope when that Incan alien had a tiny fragment of Phil’s memories of us, but all it got me was sword through the stomach. I have worked by his side for the last few months, but he doesn’t know what we had together other than the little anecdotes Simmons was able to give him.” She took a shaky breath as she stood, hiding her emotion from Daisy. “Please don’t give me any more hope, because I can’t handle another disappointment.”

“I’m sorry. I know I have no right to ask this of you. But please consider it. He said he’s more human than he realized, but he doesn’t want to break your heart again. And Simmons says we can use the jump drive to go directly into the rig for what we need. Just you and me if you want.”

May could hear the excitement and hope in Daisy’s voice, and it made her want to be sick. “But if we don’t do this, he can stay here with you as an LMD or chronicom or whatever you want to call him. He can be an adviser to Shield.”

“Yes. But I owe you this, May. I owe you both _everything,_ and I want you to have the version of him that makes you both happiest. And just so you know, it's not going to be Darkhold technology - Enoch is going to modify it to be like what we used to save you.”

At that, May turned to look at Daisy, finally. “Do you all honestly think this would work?”

“Fitz-Simmons do, and that’s enough for me,” Daisy said confidently. “Are you up for one extra time jump?”

Melinda considered her carefully. “I don’t know.”

“Think about it,” Daisy said as she wrapped her arms around Melinda. “We can make the jump in a couple of hours either way.”

May hugged Daisy back tightly. “What if it doesn’t work?”

Daisy chuckled. “But what if it does? Fitz-Simmons made it work after he had to be woken from cryo-sleep in deep space. Do you think you and Coulson could after what you've been through?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May is trying to decide if one more mission is worth it if it can potentially give her a "real" Coulson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo.... in the show apparently the Zephyr travels of it's own accord to a new point in time. Which may make this story a tad problematic with cannon, since they'd have to manually pick the time and place to appear for this story to work. But whatever. It's all fiction anyway lol!
> 
> Enjoy!

An hour later, she was still mulling over their conversation.

Could she live with it? _Probably._

Did she want to? _Almost definitely._

But… she couldn’t shake the feeling that everything would end in disaster. Despite Daisy’s assurances, it was too similar to Darkhold technology. And they had seen first-hand that the Darkhold was not to be trifled with.

Melinda opened her door to go find Simmons in the lab. The questions she had could only be answered by the scientist.

Simmons looked up as she opened the door. “May. I wondered if you’d come find me.”

“Daisy said you guys think this is possible.”

“Possible, yes.” Jemma sighed heavily, and May could see the almost visual shift as Jemma went into science mode. “As you probably know, the chamber we used to heal you was an already altered version of the technology used to create the Vision. According to Shield documentation, the original machine designed by Dr. Helen Cho was used to heal a wound on Clint Barton using his own DNA. It was then altered to create a body of sorts out of vibranium for Vision and the A.I. was uploaded into the body. Enoch and I were able to alter the chamber to be controlled remotely so we could use it to heal your internal damage instead of healing only the outermost layers of flesh as it would without the alteration.”

May nodded. She had known this was in part the technology that had eventually led to the creation of Ultron and Vision, just with some Chronicom tech added.

“Essentially, there is a small piece of hardware that we would need from Aida’s machinery – think of it as a converter of sorts – to allow our machine to create such complexities as organ systems and a central nervous system. The original machine did not have these capabilities, and it would take much longer for us to test and attempt to replicate the results on our own.”

“But we never saw how Aida’s machine worked, Simmons. It was designed…” Melinda trailed off, realizing who had designed the machinery in the Framework.

Jemma gave her a wry smile. “Exactly. Fitz told us what to look for since he was privy to the design when he was with _Madam Hydra_.”

May considered for a moment. “Break it down for me, Jemma. What are the chances this would work?”

“The science is fairly sound for the Coulson part of this, his mind is in his current body and we have old samples of his DNA to use to code the machine. If we get the piece from the Russian oil rig, I’d say we could do it fairly soon after that, very likely with a positive outcome.”

Her heart was pounding. This might be possible.

Simmons quickly continued. “We’d have to be careful to time it perfectly to get in and out without being seen by our past selves or sinking to the bottom of the ocean. Time is complicated enough when we aren’t traveling to the exact time and place where our past selves were. We were battling LMDs back then. If we’re seen, just think how our past selves would react.”

* * *

May left Simmons feeling surprisingly hopeful about the whole situation. There was one more person she had to talk to before she would give the go-ahead though, and she was surprised to find him sitting in the cockpit talking to Daisy.

She crossed her arms and leaned on the doorframe. “Daisy, can I talk to Coulson alone for a moment please?”

Daisy nodded and squeezed May’s arm encouragingly as she passed her on the way out.

Melinda sat in the pilot’s seat. Looking longingly at the controls. “It’s been a while since I’ve been up here. A pilot isn’t really necessary with the updates they made.”

“I know you miss the solitude.” Coulson said softly.

She shrugged and gave him a small smile. “Yes and no.”

They sat in silence for a moment. He seemed unwilling to speak first and she was weighing her words.

“Daisy said you’re willing to give this a try?” she asked him softly.

Coulson nodded. “She told me what my death did to you. And then showed me the footage of what the alien version of me did to you.” He paused briefly. “I love you, Melinda. And I’m sorry I haven’t told you before. At least, not _this_ me. I can’t imagine how hard it was for you once I was gone, and I know how hard it has been for you since I got back. The last thing I would want to do is hurt you yet again.”

Melinda reached out for him, allowing herself to do so for the first time since she left Tahiti, and he took her hand readily. “What about not wanting another supernatural chance at life?”

“Like I said, I don’t want to hurt you again. I don’t have memories of us together, but I bet they were very… exciting.” He ended with a smirk.

She could not help rolling her eyes. This was part of what made the choice so complicated – she had seen over and over in the last months that this was Coulson with his lame jokes and all, but this willingness to take another chance at life was out of character.

“Seriously, Phil. Why is this different than before?”

He studied her for a moment before sighing heavily. “With the centipede serum, I was told I chose Daisy and the world over myself.”

May gave him a terse nod as she watched him closely, silently willing him to continue.

“But I should’ve tried harder for you.” He paused, looking for the right words. “Descartes said ‘I think, therefore I am.’ By that logic, I’m already cheating death again, so why would I not do this so we could be _finally_ be together. Well, be together again for you, and finally be together for me. The last I knew I was bleeding out in the Framework pleading with you to follow me.”

Melinda gave him a stern look. She was tired of thinking about LMDs and what makes a person, well, a person. “I followed you, you know.”

He gave her a small smile, obviously trying to see where she was headed. “So I heard.”

“You caught me, kept me from falling, and then lowered me to the floor.” She could not help herself. He would not know the next part even if he was _her_ Phil. “I wanted to kiss you then and there. I trusted you in the Framework, and as my Framework memories collided with my actual memories, I almost did. Out of relief that somehow, our subconscious selves had remembered one another, and that’s what brought us together again.”

“Did we? Kiss, I mean.”

She scoffed. “No. You were being cagey about what happened with robot me.”

“Oh. Man. Yeah, I can see that.” Coulson said sheepishly. After a beat, he continued. “So I heard from Daisy about our, quote, ‘epic kiss’ involving a spaceship and my shield.”

The memory brought a smile to her face. It _was_ a pretty epic kiss, if she was honest. “And?”

He shrugged. “Glad to know if I couldn’t say I loved you, at least I could show you.”


End file.
